I hate pleonasms.
What’s a pleonasm you ask? I will tell you. It’s a thing designed to be difficult for me to notice, which I must remove, partly because they aren’t supposed to be there, but mostly because I just don’t like them. They are words that are really unnecessary but that people still include in their writing:
Tuna fish
ATM machine
Safe haven
Foreign imports
Free gift
So why do I hate them? You see, there are these things called “writers.” A writer’s job is to make my job as difficult as it can possibly be by being arrogant, stupid and unbearable. Writers decide to flip out when they see a circle around one of their words, because I put that circle there, and it means that I don’t like that word, which means that I don’t want it to be there, which means that they have to remove it.
Unfortunately, this opens up the door for a writer to do two of their favorite things in the whole world: 1) to ignore the circle, hoping that by the time their work returns to me for the final purging of errors I will be too tired and malnourished to see the error again, which I probably will be, or 2) to find me and force me to spend a significant portion of my life listening to their complaints and reasons as to why the word in question should not, in fact, be circled, as if I am not, in fact, the copy editor whose job it is to circle words like the one in question.
A writer will often try to explain to me the artistic elements and necessity of the word “that” in a sentence like this one:
“The cookie that I fed to my cactus this morning was delicious. Don’t ask me how I know.”
Notice that the word “that” is stupid and unnecessary. To my writers, this word is highly appealing, and its removal greatly detracts from their efforts. Mostly though, I think that my writers spend ridiculous amounts of time inserting pleonasms into their works as a covert group effort to drive me over the brink of insanity.
Often when encountering pleonasms, I regret my decision to become a copy editor, and I wonder how much I would need to pay to get my soul back — but then I stop and think about the difference I make in the world every day by removing these somewhat unnecessary words.
Then I cut myself and I usually feel slightly better.
6 comments:
OMG. I've thought about pleonasms many times in my life, Loren, but rarely was I able to articulate my frustration with them as eloquently as you have here. I didn't start finding them in my own writing until the end of college, so on the Derek Smith Scale of Linguistic Evolution you are advanced, which means you are hairy and just discovered opposable thumbs.
I miss y'all. Thankfully, I've found a group of kids at my new school who share our love of language and all the nuances that drive us mad that go along with it.
I'm sure many people would love to help start a fund to buy your soul back! or perhaps, like the angels from the original Little Mermaid story, each good deed you do takes a day off the 300 years it will take to gain a soul. :) I am adding your blog to my bookmarks!
I'll have you know, you've an unnecessary "that" in one of your later sentences.
...
Oh, Loren. I miss you so. As I sit here ignoring my half-written essay (titled Marx’s View on Transcendence of Institutions -- be sure to tell T. Rush), there's a big ass grin on my face. All thanks to your well-phrased, occasionally snide wit.
See you soon, my language-obsessed friend.
Dude, you are hilarious, disturbing, amazing, frightening and above all an incredibly witty writer.
Dear Loren,
I thought about writing you a pseudo letter comment purely for the sake of inserting pleonasms, but I like you too much.
I miss your words. Now, I'm going to go transcribe two hours of interview for class.
I hope to see you soon.
Love, Paula.
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