Fame and Glory

Blog-readers: I call upon you now to obey me, your lord eternal.
When you find something funny, you share it with your friends. Thus, you will spread the word of this blog to the corners of the Earth. I call upon all true Linguisticists to obey this mandate.

You might ask, "Why, oh Great One? Why should I publicize one of the Internet's best kept secrets?" The answer is as simple as Louisiana. I want to be famous. Rich and famous. I want every kid to read this blog and to aspire to be just like me, and go to their kindergarten class on Future Career Day and say, "I want to be a copy editor like Loren Johnson!"

You might wonder why YOU should help ME. It's simple. I'm just a regular person, like you, only a lot cooler and a lot funnier. This isn't about making one person famous; it's about helping your fellow man; it's about celebrating the underdogs; it's about lifting your equal onto your shoulders so he or she can taste a tidbit of sweet fame. Plus, if I become super rich when I'm famous, I'll give everyone I like gift baskets of things made out of money, like little oragami Ferraris.

Now you might say, "Loren, you've convinced me. I see why I should become your mindless drone and do what you say, but how can I help?" The answer, my simple friend, is this: go forth and spread the word of this blog to all of your friends. The more readers I have, the funnier my content will be, and the closer you will be to money Ferraris.

When you tell a friend about this blog, force them at gunpoint to click the little button that says "follow" to the right of the posts. The more followers this blog has, the more famous it is. My goal for now is 100. Then it will be 1,000. Then so on until I have taken over the world.

Blog readers, I pray that you will not just ignore my call. Try to see yourself in me; I'm just an honest man trying to take over the world.



Then we can finally live in a world with no split infinitives.