Similarities Between Paste-Up and a Kegger

Teenagers consume ridiculous quantities of illegal drugs.
Outlookers consume ridiculous quantities of over-the-counter drugs.

Ugly girls look better as the night progresses, due to increasing levels of intoxication.
Horrible stories look better as the night progresses, due to increasing levels of intoxication.

People begin passing out on couches early in the evening.
Outlookers pass out under desks throughout the evening.

You have to sneak out to get to any good party.
Outlookers' parents think they sneaked out to go to a party.

Slurred speech and droopy eyelids -- 'nough said.

People are more likely to take their clothes off after a good deal of alcohol.
My co-editor is more likely to take his clothes off after a good deal of paste-up.